Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
