After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
