I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
