I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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