Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
