he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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