I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
