mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
