yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
