I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
