you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
