Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
