:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
