my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
