Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
