just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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