if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
