I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
