I want to have your abortion
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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