I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
