Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
