Whod you bang
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
