i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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