went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
