I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
