I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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