So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
