I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
