Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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