Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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