Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
