I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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