but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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