dude i'm inner monologue high
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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