Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I want to make a zoo with you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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