College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
