I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
