let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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