good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
