Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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