No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
