I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
