Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
