I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
