May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
