he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
