Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
