I'm so fucking centered right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
