I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
