In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
