he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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