You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
