And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
